Girlfriend
by doughreyme
Summary: What do Jag, Jaina, and Kyp have to do with the song "Girlfriend" from NSync? Find out.


(If this offends or bores...there's always the back button, hehe...uh...wait...nevermind...(sweatdrop) PS: I couldn't think of some original character name for this, so I used Doughreyme. Also, just pretend I'm a guy.)  
  
  
  
"Girlfriend"  
  
  
  
Doughreyme: Yo, Jag! Kyp! (drags in a colonel and a jedi into the fanfic continuum) I got a job for you.   
  
Jag: Who the heck are you?  
  
Doughreyme: Call me Ishmael. Oops, wrong story. I'm Doughreyme, and I've got a fic for you to star in. Just look at the above title.  
  
Kyp: (gulps) "Girlfriend"? I'm not paired again with a Wookie, am I?  
  
Jag: Hehe. I think I read that one. I'm surprised you've brushed off that fur from before.  
  
Kyp: (shudders)  
  
Doughreyme: Hmm...then maybe this new "job" for you won't be all that bad. (Crosses off "Songfics" in a list of "Incredibly Evil Things to do to Star Wars Characters"). You two are going to woo a certain babe you two are pining for...  
  
Jag: Babe? Who the heck do you...  
(simultaneously)  
Kyp: Leia?  
  
Doughreyme and Jag: (pause and stare, before shrugging)  
  
Doughreyme: (coughs) ...with a song. One based from NSync.  
  
Jag: Nasty! Them?  
  
Doughreyme: Shut up! They're cool! (points to an Episode: Attack of the Clones poster) Don't forget they cameoed...  
  
Kyp: Ugh, don't remind me. And what's this with you, a guy, going off and liking NSync?  
  
Jag: (coughs) Pansie (coughs)  
  
Kyp: Anyways, what's this with a song?  
  
Doughreyme: (grins) You're going to sing to Jaina-babe.  
  
Kyp: I don't sing.  
(simultaneously)  
Jag: No way!  
  
Doughreyme: Somebody's asking for me to tell Jaina about his taking holovids of her taking a shower on Hapes...  
  
Kyp: (glares at Jag) Pervert.  
  
Jag: ... (grimaces) All right, I'm in.  
  
Kyp: (sighs) I somehow doubt I have a choice in this...  
  
Doughreyme: (smiles with a set of gold teeth and shoves the two mentioned to a mysteriously appearing backstage of concert hall)  
  
  
  
---Later after a bit of off-key sung rehearsals at the audience section of the concert hall---  
  
  
  
Jaina: (led in blindfolded by Doughreyme) Can I ask where you're taking me?  
  
Doughreyme: (seats Jaina in a center, front row seat) Just for a surprise. Okay, you can take off the blindfold.  
  
(Jaina takes off her blindfold to see the curtain of the stage open. Onstage are Jag and Kyp, dressed in tight Hanes shirts and leather pants.)  
  
Jaina: (raises an eyebrow) Is this my birthday?  
  
(Cheesy pop-music starts to blare as Jag and Kyp come to the front of the stage, microphone in hand).  
  
Jag: (tenth-heartedly) Would you be my girlfriend?  
  
Kyp: (grimacing) Would you be my girlfriend?  
  
Jag and Kyp: (mirror's Kyp) Would you be my girlfriend?  
  
Kyp: (dully) I like you right, but would you be my girlfriend?  
  
(as Jag and Kyp sing)  
  
Jaina: (turns to Doughreyme) Can I ask you something?  
  
Doughreyme: (smiles, half-enjoying the music) Yeah, babe?  
  
Jaina: Why am I in this fic? I mean, besides for a laugh, what's the point of this songfic?  
  
Jag: (from onstage) Yeah, wtf are we here for?  
  
Doughreyme: (coughs loudly) Holovid!  
  
Jag: (returns to singing)  
  
Doughreyme: Well, babe, I just had to tell you...oh wait...listen to this part...  
  
Kyp: (ominously starting to enjoy his singing) The middle of the night/Is he gonna be by your side/Or will he run and hide?  
  
Jag: (eyeing Jaina and Doughreyme a moment) You don't know/'Cause things ain't clear/And baby when you cry/Is he gonna stand by your side?  
  
Kyp: (singing full heartedly) Does the man even/Know you're alive?/I got an idea...  
  
Doughreyme: (turns to Jaina) Would you be my girlfriend?  
  
Jaina: (sputters) What???  
  
Doughreyme: (smiles sincerely with gold teeth) To me, you were like an angel that fell from the skies...A goddess...  
  
Jaina: The trickster? God, no, you're not a Yuuzhan Vong? (reaches hilt for her lightsaber)  
  
Doughreyme: No, no! I just want to be your boyfriend.  
  
Jaina: Worse!  
  
Doughreyme: But, babe...  
  
Kyp: (sings, this time immersed in the song) Ever since I saw your face/Nothing in my life has been the same/I walk around just saying your name  
  
Jag and Kyp: Without you my world would end, yeah  
  
Jag: And everything says/You were meant to be  
  
Jag and Kyp: My girlfriend  
  
Jaina: Eew, no! You're worse than a bantha! (sniffs the air) And something smells!  
  
Doughreyme: (pauses a moment) Oops, forgot my deodorant.  
  
Jaina: ...  
  
Doughreyme: But, babe...  
  
Doughreyme, Jag, and Kyp: (sing the last lines of the song) My girfriend/Girl you should be/My girlfriend  
  
(The music ends, and Jag and Kyp come offstage into the audience area. They head to Doughreyme and Jaina.)  
  
Jag and Kyp: (look like they each have had a universal revelation)  
  
Kyp: Jaina...singing this song, made me think of you...  
(simultaneously)  
Jag: Jaina...I wonder about us together...  
  
Doughreyme: (angrily) Hey, guys!  
  
Kyp: (turns to Jag) Hey! Back off! She's my girl!  
  
Jag: (faces Kyp) Says you and what army?  
  
(Kyp readies his lightsaber and Jag his blaster in a readiness to fight. They aim to each other until Jaina intercedes.)  
  
Jaina: Wait a minute! You two shouldn't be fighting over me!  
  
Doughreyme: (in assent) Yeah! She's mine!  
  
Jaina: (turns to Doughreyme and thinks for a second) No.  
  
Doughreyme: (clicks fingers) Drags.  
  
Jaina: (turns to Jag and Kyp) What's with the fighting, anyways, you two? There's like...enough of me for the both of you, isn't there?  
  
Kyp: You've gained weight?  
  
Jaina: (glares in a females' frighteningly scary way)  
  
Kyp: (gulp) I mean...sure!  
  
Jag: Well, then, Jaina, shall we?  
  
(Jag and Kyp walk out of the concert hall, an arm linked to Jaina as a happy trio.)  
  
(A few minutes pass by with Doughreyme in contemplation, until he forms one word:)  
  
Doughreyme: Drags.  
  
  
  
(Eh, a songfic gone horribly, horribly wrong...Well, if you flame, there's always enough marshmallows to pass around...) 


End file.
